what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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