Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think a kid would responsible me up
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
