I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
