Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize