I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
