it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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