we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
