I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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