I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
