smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
