Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
