Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
we made out on top of his cat.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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