Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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