So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
