Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
