the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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