you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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