Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
and she was petting her beer can
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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