I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
