dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize