I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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