I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize