I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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