This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize