Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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