Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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