He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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