Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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