he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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