i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
They have beer where we have blood.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize