Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
