we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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