the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
