my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
