I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize