I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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