just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I can't turn off my feet"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
