i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
