If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
