not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
