ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
