For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i need some magic done to my vagina
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
