you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
