now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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