The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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