Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
