My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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