Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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