they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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