I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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