Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
