Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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