Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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