Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
