Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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