How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
