"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
