I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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