We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
