I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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