OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
