so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
