i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just want nice things and good sex
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
