I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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