I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
