Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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