We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
