I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
