got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize